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What is a Policeman?
By Paul Harvey
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A policeman
is a composite of what all men are I guess, a mingling
of saint and sinner, dust and deity. Culled statistics
wave the banners over stinkers, underscore instances of
dishonesty and brutality because they are news. What
that really means is that they are exceptional, they are
unusual, they are not commonplace. Buried under the
froth are the facts and the fact is less that one-half of
one percent misfit that uniform and that is a better
percentage than what you'd find among clergymen.
What is a policeman? He of all me is at once the most
needed and the most wanted; a strangely nameless
creature who is "Sir" to his face, "pig" or worse behind
his back. He must be such a diplomat that he can settle
differences among individuals so that each will think he
won. If a policeman is neat, he's conceited. If he's
careless, he's a bum. If he's pleasant, he's a flirt. If
he's not, he's a grouch. He must make instant decisions
that would require months for a lawyer. But if he
hurries, he's careless -if he's deliberate, he's lazy.
He must be first to an accident and infallible with a
diagnosis. He must be able to start breathing, stop
bleeding, tie splints and, above all, be sure the victim
goes home without a limp. Or, he must expect to be sued.
The police officer must know every gun, draw on the run
and hit where it doesn't hurt.
He must be able to whip two men twice his size and half
his age without soiling his uniform and without being
"brutal". If you hit him, he's a coward - if he hits
you, he's a bully. A policeman must know everything and
not tell. He must know where all the sin is and not
partake. The policeman must, from a single human hair,
be able to describe the crime, the weapon, the criminal,
and tell you where the criminal is hiding. But if he
catches the criminal, he's lucky; if he doesn't, he's a
dunce.
If he gets promoted, he has political pull. If he
doesn't, he's a dullard. The policeman must chase bum
leads to dead ends, stakeout 10 nights to tag one
witness who saw it happen but refuses to remember. He
runs files and writes reports until his eyes ache to
build a case against some felon who'd get dealed out by
a shameless shamus or an honorable who isn't honorable.
The policeman must be a minister, a social worker, a
diplomat, a tough guy, and, of course, a genius, for he
has to feed a family on a policeman's salary.
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